About Protect the Parents

Protect the Parents is a reader-supported newsletter for protective parents navigating coercive control, high-conflict custody battles, and a family court system that often fails to protect children and further traumatizes domestic violence victim-survivors.

What is the Protective Parent Crisis?
Across the U.S., protective parents— most often mothers— are losing custody of their children. It’s not because they are unfit, but because they disclosed abuse, often perpetrated by the child’s father.

The coercive control and domestic abuse that the mother survived/suffered is misunderstood, minimized, and/or ignored in family court. Custody is granted to an unfit parent (statistically the father) and the cycle of harm is then transferred to the child. Abusers often use legal tactics to discredit and punish the parent trying to protect the child. This is a problem that affects tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands of people each year—but it remains severely underreported.

Protect the Parents is first and foremost a resource for the protective parent. It is also a platform that aims to raise awareness of the problems in the family court. Lastly, in the long term, it advocates for family court reform.

I publish three times a week, delivering both practical tools and investigative reporting for those trying to protect their children while surviving a system stacked against them.

Whether you’re deep in the process, just beginning to realize something’s not right, or years removed and still reckoning with what happened— this space is for you.

Welcome. I am so grateful that you are here, and glad that we have found each other. 💛

🔍 What This Publication Offers

🛠️ Mondays: "Preparing to Proceed"

Step-by-step tools and strategies for navigating family court with clarity

• In-the-weeds, practical tools for those navigating the confusing, opaque and crazy-making family court experience. I’ll provide easy-to-use resources that help you be more prepared (logistically, emotionally, mentally). I always love to hear from readers about how I can help them, feel free to message me about problems that I can help you solve. This publication exists for you— to help you.

  Imagine, on the same day you found that you’d have to be fighting your controlling/ abusive ex for custody in a broken family court system, that someone appeared and said — “Here I am, I would like to be your assistant through this hard process. What do you need to know? What questions would you like answered? What resources can I find for you? How can I help prepare you for tomorrow, next week, next month, this year, next year?” 💛

• Monday content, the most immediately useable/ most practical, includes content like:

  • What to anticipate when co-parenting with a controlling/ abusive ex

  • A glossary of terms every protective parent should know

  • A resource review of the National Child Abuse Hotline

  • How to prepare for a custody hearing

  • How to document abuse for court

📚 Wednesdays: "How it Happens"

Stories and research that reveal patterns, systems, and victim-survivor realities

• Wednesday stories and research help you feel less alone— a tried and true method to make a traumatizing experience just a little less painful. Wednesday content will include personal stories from protective parents around the U.S. and around the world, at all phases of the experience.

  In addition to protective parent stories, I’ll provide research snapshots about the family court system, historical overviews, commentaries/ analysis on the nature of the family court system. These posts will help you make sense of the family court experience. Forewarned is forearmed, as one of my readers recently remarked.

• Wednesday content gives you background context. It can help you feel more grounded, less alone and give you a sense of the system overall. Wednesday content includes:

  • Reader-submitted protective parent stories, like “My Journey to Freedom”

  • My own experiences with abuse, like "Trying to Identify Abuse" or “On Being Misunderstood” (two of PtP’s most widely read pieces)

  • The early history of the family court system

  • Summaries of research and trends in domestic abuse and custody outcomes

⚖️ Fridays: "Changing the Courts"

Big-picture reporting and ideas for long-term family court reform

• A bird’s-eye view of systemic issues with the family courts and long-term solutions. Friday is when we look to dismantling / fixing a broken system. Friday is when we imagine a future where family court judges make the right decision and kids are placed in the custody of a safe, loving parent. These posts include:

  • Analysis of structure of the family court system, and how compounding elements contribute to it becoming a system of harm

  • Analysis of questions like: what is judicial immunity and why does it matter?

  • Analysis of why some custody cases get labeled "high conflict"

  • Ideas for reform: what if custody decisions included juries?

  • Practical advocacy moves like how to write to your local legislator

Free vs. Premium Subscribers

Free subscribers receive:

• One post per week, usually the Friday post

Premium (i.e. paid) subscribers get:

• Three posts per week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday)

• Access to the most practical tools, printable guides, and strategies

• The ability to help shape future reporting and resources

If this work is meaningful to you — and you want to support its growth — please consider becoming a paid subscriber.

👤 About Me

I am a multimedia journalist with over ten years’ experience; my work has appeared in The New York Times, The Economist, Slate, and The Guardian, amongst many other publications. In 2023 I graduated from Columbia University with a MA in Journalism. For my thesis I spent two years investigating a case of ongoing child abuse/ custody abuse; I regularly refer to them in my writing here as Ruth and Boy (both pseudonyms).

While I am always learning, at this point I understand much of the ins and outs of the family court, and how to dig into the details. I bring both deep reporting experience and personal understanding—I’m a second-generation domestic violence survivor—and approach this issue with tenacity and care, with an eye towards making the greatest impact.

I write this publication anonymously because my ex threatened to burn down my house; he is capable of stalking and violence, and I’d just rather not risk it. Also, in the future, if I am specifically calling out pedophile parents or judges on the take, I’d prefer to have my identity private. And anyway, this publication isn’t about who I am, but rather, how much and how effectively I can help you. Over time, the coming year(s), I ought to provide you resources and research that provide such targeted, tangible value to you that who I am as a person is irrelevant.

Since June 1, 2024 I have been building this resource for you. It blends lived experience, investigative rigor, and a fierce commitment to telling the truth about a system that routinely disbelieves victim-survivors, pathologizes protective parents, and puts children in danger.

I am honored to be of service to you. 🙏

💬 What Readers Have Said

• "I’m a protective parent and I wept as I read the story of your family. It’s the ultimate betrayal, when the courts, the police, the entire system is against us. Well, no more. My kids deserve better. All safe parents and children do! Your voice is a beacon for all of us! Thank you!" — D.K.

• “Thank you for listening to my experience. In this world it is easy to feel alone.” — R.L.

• “Thank you for the analysis. It is a very useful and pragmatic. I would much appreciate it if you would do more such analyses.” — R.

• “You do amazing work. Please keep it up!” — A.H.

• “Keep writing! We need your voice of recognition through the act of making this insidious form of coercive control known as what it is - abuse. Everyone loses. We need you to educate the public about this very serious and dangerous practice.” — B.C.

• “I enjoy and appreciate your research and writing.” — L.G.

🤝 Stay Connected

Subscribe for free to get a new post each week in your inbox. I am so glad and grateful to have you as a reader.

Become a paid subscriber to receive the most benefits. Your support will mean you’ll get to influence the work. Again, imagine me as a coach, mentor, cheerleader eager to help you through your family court experience. 💛

You can also reach me at protecttheparents@proton.me if you want to share your story, suggest a topic, or just say hello. This is an encrypted email if you are concerned at all about your online security/ visibility.

Thank you for being here. We can work together to Protect the Parents.