My Journey to Freedom Through Divorce and Family Court [Guest Post]
An anonymous reader shares her experience
I'm a single mom of three who has been trying to get divorced for the past three years after being trapped for the past 20-plus years in what I have come to learn was domestic violence. I am breaking free.... at times I am just breaking.
Freedom is elusive. The cell of marriage has been replaced by the prison of family court and the expectation to "co-parent" for the rest of our lives.
The children suffer the most and everyone needs to stop telling me kids are resilient. The kids have spoken about the abuse they've experienced at the hands of their father. It does not matter. He still gets shared custody.
I learned (after alienation accusations) to project positivity and a "co-parenting" demeanor but inside I'm so, so tired. My children have their own challenges, and I do my best to navigate their special health needs, crippling anxiety, and educational struggles. I am a caretaker to my extended family, and a caretaker at my full-time job.
If I stop and think about it, I am overwhelmed. I create checklists.
I am living – check – I am breathing -- check.
People I thought were friends have taken the ex's "side." As he was busy campaigning to protect his image by spreading lies about me, I was protecting the kids by not displaying the ex's dirty laundry. I have been shunned by his well-connected circles and the children have suffered from the bad behavior of these adults.
There are no consequences for him. People still adore him and want to help him -- that poor victim of the "evil bitch" who wants to take his kids. I have to be okay with that and hold my head high as I deal with these people on a daily basis. All the while all I want to do is scream the truth at them.
If they only knew about the abuse of his police powers, the violent rages, the sexual abuse. The controlling, the stalking, the denial of my medical care, his family's manipulation and control of me. And the financial abuse, the isolation, the gaslighting, the attempts to paint me as mentally unstable. Still, the worst part is the abuse of the children.
Would I do anything differently (other than not marrying him in the first place)? Would it have mattered? What have I learned?
I am trying to be grateful for the lessons without feeling bitter. I am working on forgiveness - for myself. I expect it to be a long road.
If you would like to share your story with Protect the Parents readers, feel free to message me here on Substack or send me an (encrypted) email at protecttheparents@proton.me.
Take care.
I feel for you! So much of this personal aabousevis subtle and clever. I am now well away from it and out the other side but Idon't know how we deal with the bais that has decened onthe Family Courts internationally in the name of 'equality ' and 'justice' which has simply written the Men's Rights Agenda. How is this insanity for mothers and children to be undone? Feminists are seen as the 'solution' going too far and so on and discredited along with anyone else standsing up for reality.