Wrangle that Big Fish

How to report corruption while covering your behind

Dear all,

Many thanks for your patience as I have not posted as consistently as I’d like over the past month. As I may have mentioned, I have a full-time job which waxes and wanes in terms of busyness. [I checked, that’s an actual word: “busyness.”]

I also spend time still trying to publish my master’s thesis. It is a goal I’ve been pursuing since 2022 and will continue to pursue until it happens. I swear this. And hey, good things can happen in the meanwhile; I launched this Substack in response to my impatient frustration at not having found the story a home— quite yet. Please keep this goal in your prayers? It’s not about any amount of money nor fame. It’s about telling the truth, and trying to let more people know that something terrible is happening in the family courts. If more can know, more can move the system.

Photo by Chris Liverani on Unsplash

Recently I told others that, if by some freak accident, I passed away before my appointed time and I’d not yet gotten the thesis published— well, I’d come back as a ghost and haunt away until I found a way to get that story— Boy’s story— out there.

This post is inspired by reader Chera Rizk (thank you for all your encouragement and engagement, Chera!). In the comments’ section of one of the earliest articles (“We can make things better”), Chera posted the following:

“[Proposed] Topics: how do we expose the corrupt family court system without putting ourselves in harm’s way? What to do when CPS, Children’s Advocacy Centers, etc. discount the child abuse? How to talk to children living this horror? How to deal with flying monkeys of the abuser? ”

I super, super appreciate any comments from readers. After all, *you*, dear reader, are the reason I do this. So keep ‘em coming. Let us begin with the first query: how do we expose the corrupt family court system without putting ourselves in harm’s way?

As a journalist and a writer, my first suggestion is that you find a way to get your story to the public. Corruption thrives in secret places. It has to get tossed onto Front Street to be exposed and dealt with.

I get it that this can sound intimidating. And many protective moms have been preemptively sanctioned by the court with a gag order. You can write about your experience anonymously. You can also ask the editor / publication that your name, your ex’s name, and your children’s name be replaced with pseudonyms. You can ask the publication not include any revealing details, like mentions of anyone’s geographic location, line of work, age, etc.

I’d suggest targeting the media platform with the largest readership. You might reach a reader who has also been wronged by the same judge, the same lawyer, the same whoever. Also target whatever is the most widely read local publication.

And you do not necessarily have to write a long piece about your entire experience. You might consider writing a short op-ed or commentary that targets a particular detail. Consider Dylan Farrow’s op-ed piece, less than 1,000 words, which sparked debate and raised awareness. If you’ve not read it, check it out: “An Open Letter from Dylan Farrow.”

And in only 61 words, she presents this terrible thing, which is the crux of it.

“What’s your favorite Woody Allen movie? Before you answer, you should know: when I was seven years old, Woody Allen took me by the hand and led me into a dim, closet-like attic on the second floor of our house. He told me to lay on my stomach and play with my brother’s electric train set. Then he sexually assaulted me.”

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“Change tends to happen when the general public is shocked or stunned or appalled by something or when something comes to light that people weren’t aware of and care quite profoundly about.”

— from The Guardian article “How to expose corruption, vice and incompetence”

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My second suggestion is that you amass evidence; not collect evidence— amass evidence. [Amass : gather together or accumulate (a large amount or number of valuable material or things) over a period of time.]

a mother collecting a large pile of papers and photographs

If you choose to write about your experience, you will likely need to present evidence to back up your claims. Different publications go about this differently. Sometimes it may be that the editor you’re working with will review the documentation themselves. Other times there is a separate person who only handles fact-checking.

Gather evidence even though it gets discarded by the one human being you wish would take it into account— the judge. That same evidence might be able to be used against the judge in the future, demonstrating how they were incompetent or corrupt, and endangered the life of a child. And in the meanwhile, you can use that documentation in trying to get your story published.

Some ways that you can collect evidence, if you have not done so already, include:

Regarding Home + Vehicle Surveillance

1. Install video/ audio recording devices around your home. That way if there is a spontaneous disclosure from your child/ children, it is captured. If you have found that your child often discloses in a certain room of the house, or during a certain activity, make sure you have recording devices in that area.

2. Install video/ audio recording devices in your vehicle. Same logic. And if you have to encounter your ex when dropping off / picking up your child, a dash cam might help deter him from aggressive behavior.

3. Remember that your ex will be aware of any recording efforts and will likely retaliate. I’ve previously read about ex-husbands installing recording equipment in children’s stuffed toys. Check your child’s backpack and other items to make sure your ex has not invaded your privacy.

Photo by Daniel ZH on Unsplash

Regarding Surveillance at Doctor’s Visits / Medical Record-Keeping

1. Keep copies of all medical records, all hospital visits, all dental records.

2. If you suspect a child was given alcohol, or some other substance, you might consider a hair strand test. They can be done at hospitals or labs, or you can purchase a kit and do the test at home. Of course the hospital / lab option would be more official and thus preferable.

3. Another note— layer evidence. The combination of photographic documentation of an injury paired with a medical diagnosis of an injury is stronger than either one by itself.

4. Keep all medical records, even the standard check-ups. The baseline health of a child can reveal that he/she is not progressing in the way one would hope or expect, and that can hint at underlying problems, like chronic maltreatment.

5. Consider bringing a small, concealable recording device to any doctor’s office or hospital visits. Familiarize yourself with which states are “single party consent” states in terms of audio recording. That is, some states only require one party (i.e. you) to consent to recording a conversation.

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

Regarding Photos + Record-Keeping

1. Consider taking photos of any injuries with an instant development camera. There may be legal restrictions on using a digital camera, and there could always be the claim that photos were photoshopped / doctored / altered in some way. When taking photos of injuries, have a coin or measuring tape in the shot for size reference.

2. Use a journal to keep track of any injuries, statements or suspicious behavior.

3. Print out copies of all court transcripts and email communications.

Okay, this is where we will stop for today. I hope this information could be helpful to someone, somehow. I’d love to hear any comments or questions you may have.

Take care.