There’s a naïve, if not irresponsible, perception and implementation of procreative ‘rights’ as though the potential parent will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture the child’s naturally developing bodies, minds and needs. In Childhood Disrupted the author writes that even “well-meaning and loving parents can unintentionally do harm to a child if they are not well informed about human development” (pg.24).
Although society cannot prevent anyone from bearing children, not even the plainly incompetent and reckless procreator, it can educate all young people for the most important job ever, even those intending to remain childless. Rather than being about instilling ‘values’, such child-development science curriculum should be about understanding, not just information memorization. It may even end up mitigating some of the familial dysfunction seemingly increasingly prevalent in society.
If nothing else, such curriculum could offer students an idea/clue as to whether they’re emotionally suited for the immense responsibility and strains of parenthood. Given what is at stake, should they not at least be equipped with such important science-based knowledge?
Crucial knowledge like: Since it cannot fight or flight, a baby hearing loud noises nearby, such as that of quarrelling parents, can only “move into a third neurological state, known as a ‘freeze’ state. … This freeze state is a trauma state” (pg.123). And it’s the unpredictability of a stressor, rather than the intensity, that does the most harm. When the stressor “is completely predictable, even if it is more traumatic — such as giving a [laboratory] rat a regularly scheduled foot shock accompanied by a sharp, loud sound — the stress does not create these exact same [negative] brain changes” (pg. 42).
The prolonged absorption of such traumatic experiences will cause the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point towards a childhood, adolescence and adulthood in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in non-stressful daily routines. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
My sincere apologies for the late reply. I am not sure how I missed this comment earlier.
Thank you for such a thorough and thoughtful comment.
That is an interesting point you make, that with a child growing up around, say, arguing parents, can develop harmful brain patterns (if I can phrase it this way). I think this is all the more reason for family courts to seriously and thoroughly evaluate claims of domestic abuse / coercive control.
Sure, I think this is a reasonable point you make-- if there were a basic curriculum about child development, society as a whole could be more aware of the delicacy of children, and how it is important to provide them the best possible environment for growth.
Right on, given the high stakes, we ought to provide more resources for parent training in particular.
Devil's advocate here: What about the idea that being exposed to some form of trauma is inevitable, even a part of the growing process?
Actually, in the book ('WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing') he co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Bruce D. Perry (M.D., Ph.D.) writes that healthy/proper cerebral development during early life, notably the brain's stressor response systems, requires a degree of essentially controlled stressors.
.
ALSO: “In today’s safety culture we seem to swing from strictly monitoring and guiding our children from infancy through high school, and then releasing them to the absolute freedom of college (though some parents are trying to encroach there as well). We have to remember that for most of human history adolescents took on adult roles earlier and rose admirably to the challenge. Many of the problems we have with teenagers result from failing to adequately challenge their growing brains. While we now know that the brain’s decision-making areas aren’t completely wired until at least their early twenties, it is experience-making decisions that wires them, and it can’t be done without taking some risks.
"We need to allow children to try and fail. And when they do make the stupid, shortsighted decisions that come from inexperience, we need to let them suffer the results. At the same time we also need to provide balance by not setting policies that will magnify one mistake, like drug use or fighting, into a life-derailing catastrophe. Unfortunately, this is exactly what our current “zero tolerance” policies—that expel children from school for just one rule violation—do.”
.
― Bruce D. Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook
Thank you so much for this supremely helpful post. And thank you for taking the time to share this knowledge. I've heard of the first book you mentioned, and I'll definitely have to check out "The Boy" title.
‘Child abuse in disguise’: The impact of parental alienation on children
Diagnosing parental alienation
Dr. William Bernet, a psychiatrist and professor emeritus at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, says that he and colleagues in the field have made dedicated efforts to have parental alienation included as a term in the DSM because properly identifying and defining alienation from the onset is the best way to combat counselor negligence.
“The problem with not naming parental alienation anywhere in the DSM is that courts can argue it isn’t real, and then, in turn, parents cannot defend themselves legally,” Bernet says. But “if it’s taught to clinicians of all types and accepted into curricula, then mental health practitioners can be held more accountable to identify these cases.”
Bernet, co-editor of Parental Alienation: The Handbook for Mental Health and Legal Professionals, sees therapists making two mistakes with parental alienation. First, they often fail to properly diagnose parental alienation early on in treatment. Second, they rely on traditional clinical approaches for far too long when treating this issue.
“Traditional family therapy approaches can be helpful in mild cases,” Bernet says. “But in more moderate or severe cases, alienation needs to be identified and both parents need to agree to be part of treatment.”
Bernet says that having only one parent attend sessions or offering traditional family therapy without identifying alienation has the potential to worsen the balance and allow an alienating parent and child to continue to target the other parent. If that happens, “therapists actually can make it worse,” he stresses, “because a child is going to be even more narcissistically powerful and won’t do what the therapist asks out of allegiance to the alienating parent.”
Bernet developed the five-factor model, which is an effective method to use when diagnosing parental alienation. This model includes five criteria for diagnosis:
Contact refusal: Is the child refusing contact with a parent?
Previous relationship: Did the child previously have a positive relationship with the rejected parent?
Lack of abuse: Does the rejected parent show signs of being abusive or neglectful
Alienating behaviors: Is the preferred parent engaging in alienating behaviors?
Child symptoms: Is the child manifesting symptoms of alienation?
Although it’s essential for counselors to properly diagnose for treatment, custody evaluators should be the ones making decisions related to parental alienation, Baker cautions. And she advises clinicians to call for a proper custody evaluation if they suspect parental alienation. avoiding counselor negligence.
Parental Alienation (PA) is a term that primarily focuses on the alienation aspect, often perceived as the child's rejection of one parent, usually due to the influence of the other parent. While this highlights a significant issue, it may be too narrow to encompass the broader range of dynamics and experiences involved. The term Parent-Child Trauma Coerced Attachment and Alienation (PCTCAA) provides a more comprehensive description, acknowledging the traumatic and coercive elements that contribute to attachment issues and subsequent alienation.
Recognition of Trauma and Coercion
Using the term PCTCAA emphasises the traumatic experiences and coercive behaviours that underpin dysfunctional attachment and alienation. This acknowledges the psychological manipulation and emotional abuse that often occur in these situations, making it clear that the issue is not merely about a child's preference but involves significant psychological harm and coercion.
Holistic Understanding of Attachment Issues
PCTCAA highlights that the problem involves complex attachment issues, not just alienation. It draws attention to how coercive behaviours can distort a child’s attachment bonds with both parents, affecting their emotional and psychological well-being. This term better captures the multifaceted nature of the problem, where the child's attachment system is being manipulated, leading to trauma and alienation.
Alignment with Psychological and Clinical Frameworks
The term PCTCAA aligns more closely with contemporary psychological and clinical frameworks that understand family dynamics through the lenses of trauma and attachment theory. It facilitates a more nuanced approach to diagnosis and treatment, encouraging practitioners to consider the underlying trauma and attachment disruptions rather than focusing solely on surface-level alienation.
Reducing Stigma and Misunderstanding
The term Parental Alienation can sometimes carry a stigma, suggesting that the alienated parent is solely a victim and the alienating parent solely a perpetrator, potentially oversimplifying the situation. PCTCAA reduces this dichotomy by presenting the issue as a complex interplay of trauma and coercion affecting the entire family system. This can lead to a more empathetic and balanced understanding, reducing blame and fostering more effective therapeutic interventions.
Enhancing Legal and Policy Frameworks
Incorporating the concepts of trauma and coercion into the terminology can improve legal and policy frameworks by providing more precise language that captures the gravity of the issue. This can lead to better-informed decisions in family law and child custody cases, ensuring that interventions address the root causes rather than just the symptoms of the problem.
Conclusion
Changing the term from Parental Alienation to Parent-Child Trauma Coerced Attachment and Alienation broadens the understanding and discourse around the issue. It emphasises the traumatic and coercive aspects of the phenomenon, aligns with modern psychological theories, and promotes a holistic, empathetic approach to treatment and legal considerations. This shift in terminology can lead to more accurate diagnoses, effective interventions and supportive policies that address the complexities of parent-child dynamics in cases of coercive attachment and alienation.
The researchers highlight aspects of parental alienation that correspond with definitions of child abuse.
Parental alienation as emotional/psychological aggression:
Creating fear in children that the target parent might be dangerous.
Making children feel guilty or ridiculing them for showing warmth or loyalty to the target parent and their extended family.
Withdrawing love and affection when children talk about the other parent.
Interrogating children after visits to the other parent and/or forcing them to throw away any clothing, gifts or reminders of the other parent.
Corrupting children’s identity by telling them the other parent is disappearing from their life – e.g., introducing a step-parent as a replacement, changing the children’s surname.
Presenting false information to children – e.g., distorting their memories of the parent with false and negative details, pretending that the other parent failed to turn up to see the children at a scheduled time.
Forcing children to make binary decisions – e.g., telling them they can see only one parent, not both.
Using children to spy in the home of the other parent.
Holding children responsible for violations of court orders.
Parental alienation as child neglect:
Placing the needs of the alienating parent before the children’s need to be loved and cared for by the other parent.
Being emotionally unavailable to children through parents’ own psychological pathologies.
Making false allegations of abuse and fabricating illness in an attempt to get custody of children and prevent contact with the other parent.
Giving false medication information to the other parent to justify sole care of children’s medical needs.
Using professionals to “help” children cope with the alleged behaviors of the other parent. Some alienating parents work through one professional after another as each starts to suspect what is really happening.
Isolating children from peers who may question their rejection of the other parent.
Parental alienation as local and administrative aggression:
Making false allegations of abuse against the other parent to authorities and services. Sometimes children are co-opted into this process.
Parental alienation as physical and sexual aggression:
Hitting children when they express a desire to be connected with the other parent.
Preventing the other parent from protecting the children against a new partner with a history of sexual or violent offences.
Parental Alienation: The Psychology of Fractured Parent–Child Relationships
Parental Alienation as Intimate Partner Violence
The researchers also map common behaviours in parental alienation to behaviours common in intimate partner violence: aggression, coercive control, physical threats, exploitation of the victim’s secrets, lying about past events to modify parenting plans, stalking, and legal/administrative aggression. As most alienating parents are the custodial parents, they can use the power of their situation to keep the victim living in fear of total cessation of contact with the child.
In all cases, children are victims when they witness the abuse or are affected by it.
Impact of Parental Alienation on the Child
Practitioners will intervene only when the severity of abuse reaches a certain threshold. This requires accurate and skilled diagnosis, which is made more difficult by the lack of systematic and empirical research on the causes of parental alienation.
Severe parental alienation has obvious and immediate impacts on the child, but mild and moderate forms can also cause significant harm which can go on for many years. This harm goes beyond just the impacts of being exposed to conflict and parental pathology.
Examples of negative impacts of parental alienation found in research include:
Low self-esteem.
Feeling abandoned and unloved.
Inability to express grief.
Self-hatred through internalising the hate targeted at one parent.
Disturbed attachment to both parents.
Substance abuse disorders.
Guilt.
Anxiety.
Mental illness
Disturbed psychosocial development, for example, in handling interpersonal conflict and developing empathy.
Campaign of Denigration – In the campaign of denigration, the child is typically obsessed with the hated or rejected parent. The campaign of denigration is an expression of hate, dislike, not wanting to be near the target parent, describing them as never being a caring, loving parent and who never did anything with them as in a normal parent-child relationship, and never recalling any positive times together.
The campaign of denigration is like a public relations campaign to convince the audience, in this case an evaluator or therapist, about the abusiveness, neglectfulness and unloving behavior of the rejected parent. Frequently, the parent who brings the child will just sit back and shrug and go, “I wish they felt differently but that’s just the way that they are.” So, the presentation carries the appearance that this is coming solely from the child.
The significant component is that the children are obsessed with their rejection of the parent. For example, they cannot remember anything positive about that parent or recall good times with the other parent.
Weak, Frivolous, and Absurd Rationalizations – Typically, alienated children give irrational and often ludicrous justification for their rejection of a parent. These children may also justify their alienation with memories of minor incidents that may have happened years earlier and, in some cases, they may report events that never have occurred. Frequently, past events are exaggerated in terms of the frequency and intensity.
Lack of Ambivalence – The symptom of a lack of ambivalence is where there is absolutely no wavering. That is, a child is consistent in terms of having a commitment to their position or opinion about the targeted parent. That parent is an evil person and there is nothing good about that parent whatsoever and never was. When asked, “Did you ever have a good time?” Answer: “Never.” With this symptom, however, being one of the more significant or severe ones, when you see a child who presents with a lack of ambivalence that is an indication you might be dealing with a more severe degree of the disorder.
Independent Thinker phenomenon – Alienated children frequently, and proudly announce that the things that they are relating about the rejected parent are their own thoughts and feelings, and that no one has told them or influenced them to say these things.
Reflexive Support of the Alienating Parent – As the reader reviews the symptoms, one will see how they start to link up especially as they increase in frequency and duration. The alienated child demonstrates an unbridled support for the favored or alienating parent. An alienating parent would be very encouraging of the things that we are talking about. If the process is going on at an unconscious level, then they will reinforce the occurrence unwittingly. They may not even be aware of it. But in the reflective support symptom, the child is suggesting, “as much as I hate the targeted parent, I am that much more positive and committed toward the favored/alienating parent.”
This symptom is elicited by questioning if there is anything that they agree with or like about the targeted parent. Even in high-conflict divorces where parental alienation is not present, children will in some ways endorse both parents’ positions about different issues and, if anything, there is an urgency to not take sides. Typically, in the case of divorce, the children do not want to take sides and they do not like being put in that position. In parental alienation cases, however, one sees children clearly taking a side and never taking a supportive position of the targeted parent. As with the other symptoms, this is fundamentally unnatural. These are things that just do not happen normally when people go through a divorce. The child must be nudged significantly by one parent through some kind of indoctrination process.
Absence of Guilt – In severe cases there will be an absence of guilt frequently observed in the child. The absence of guilt has to do with the lack of caring or affection toward the target parent. There is an absence of any conscience about what is happening to their parent or their role in it. When children have this degree of symptomatology, they will say such things as, “I want them out of my life; I want nothing to do with them,” etc. In short, they express that they never want to see that person ever again. They have no use for them, they have never been in their life up to this point, there is no point in their being in there now, etc.
This is one of the more severe symptoms and typically not seen until parental alienation has been in the process for a while. This is a very chilling symptom because if one considers attachment theory, a child’s sense of self and relationship emanates from their relationships with their parents. When you have a child who is this disconnected from one of their parents, they are likely going to have among other things serious medical, psychological and relationship problems in their life. With the absence of guilt, it says a lot about their ability to empathize and function normally and truthfully in relationships. One conclusion that can be made is that when children do go through this process, at this level of dysfunction, it is tantamount to a crash course in how to develop a personality disorder. It creates an individual who will be manipulative as an adult, who will have difficulty empathizing, who will tend to not be able to see other people’s perspectives or be honest in their communication. While the research is building and on-going in this area, the dysfunctional dynamics being taught to children strongly suggest that this may be a reasonable hypothesis.
Borrowed Scenarios – An evaluator will hear words or phrases that are common to both a parent and a child. The terminology will be repeated with the alienating parent coming in during their interview. They will use some of the same vocabulary and the child will come in and the evaluator will get very similar phraseology, if not exact vocabulary.
Spread of Animosity to the Extended Family of the Alienated Parent – There is a spread of animosity to the extended family of the targeted parent and especially significant others that enter the relationship.
Unfortunately, it is not just new male or female friends, quite often it is grandparents. These are people who have had a positive, loving relationship with the child their entire life but now they become objects of hate. An evaluator will see evidence, such as photographs and through interviews with parents and grandparents, of the children having a good relationship with them and being very involved. The separation/divorce will occur at some point and, if parental alienation is present, suddenly that child will begin to express a real dislike and even hatred of those grandparents because they are the father and the mother of the targeted parent.
Parental alienation of children is a form of child abuse, and it is recognized as such by psychologists who have experience and expertise with parental alienation. The phenomenon of parental alienation conforms to the definition of Child Abuse as proffered by 2017 Practice Guidelines of The American Professional Society on Abuse of Children (APSAC).
Parental alienation is a mental condition in which a child, usually one whose parents are engaged in a high-conflict separation or divorce, allies strongly with one parent (the preferred or favored parent) and rejects a relationship with the other parent (the targeted or alienated parent) without legitimate justification (Lorandos & Bernet, 2020).
Senior officials at the American Psychiatric Association (APA) have unequivocally confirmed that parental alienation is included in parent-child relational problem (PCRP), one of the mental conditions in the DSM-5-TR (Bernet & Baker, 2023).
The Baker Model for Identifying Parental Alienation (formerly known as the Five Factor Model) is a method for the systematic identification of parental alienation (Lorandos & Bernet, 2020) and is discussed below. There is nothing new about the components of the Baker Model for Identifying Parental Alienation, since they have all been discussed in peer-reviewed articles, books, and presentations for many years.
The psychological process of parental alienation, as an adverse childhood experience (ACE) (Felitti, et al, 1998), has immediate and long-term negative and potentially catastrophic consequences for children. Parental alienation has been the subject of many studies and tests, which have been the object of peer review, and is a mental condition broadly recognized by the psychological community in the United States and over 60 countries around the world. A common example of misinformation is that parental alienation has not been recognized by any professional organization and, therefore, is not recognized by the scientific community, a necessary factor in admissibility in court proceedings. The phenomenon of parental alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), that is children rejecting a parent without justification, has been recognized by the following organizations:
• American Bar Association
• American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
• Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
• American Psychological Association
• American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
• American Academy of Pediatrics
• American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children
Early-life abuse or chronic neglect left unhindered typically causes the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point of a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in otherwise non-stressful daily routines.
It amounts to non-physical-impact brain damage in the form of PTSD. Among other dysfunctions, it has been described as an emotionally tumultuous daily existence, indeed a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’. For some of us it includes being simultaneously scared of how badly they will deal with the upsetting event, which usually never transpires. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
As a moral rule, a mentally as well as a physically sound future should be every child’s foremost fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter. Yet, some people still hold a misplaced yet strong sense of entitlement when it comes to misperceiving children largely as obedient property to abuse.
The wellbeing of all children needs to be of importance to us all. Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, however, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
.
“It’s only after children have been discovered to be severely battered that their parents are forced to take a childrearing course as a condition of regaining custody. That’s much like requiring no license or driver’s ed[ucation] to drive a car, then waiting until drivers injure or kill someone before demanding that they learn how to drive.”
—Myriam Miedzian, Ph.D.
.
“The way a society functions is a reflection of the childrearing practices of that society. Today we reap what we have sown. Despite the well-documented critical nature of early life experiences, we dedicate few resources to this time of life. We do not educate our children about child development, parenting, or the impact of neglect and trauma on children.”
There’s a naïve, if not irresponsible, perception and implementation of procreative ‘rights’ as though the potential parent will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture the child’s naturally developing bodies, minds and needs. In Childhood Disrupted the author writes that even “well-meaning and loving parents can unintentionally do harm to a child if they are not well informed about human development” (pg.24).
Although society cannot prevent anyone from bearing children, not even the plainly incompetent and reckless procreator, it can educate all young people for the most important job ever, even those intending to remain childless. Rather than being about instilling ‘values’, such child-development science curriculum should be about understanding, not just information memorization. It may even end up mitigating some of the familial dysfunction seemingly increasingly prevalent in society.
If nothing else, such curriculum could offer students an idea/clue as to whether they’re emotionally suited for the immense responsibility and strains of parenthood. Given what is at stake, should they not at least be equipped with such important science-based knowledge?
Crucial knowledge like: Since it cannot fight or flight, a baby hearing loud noises nearby, such as that of quarrelling parents, can only “move into a third neurological state, known as a ‘freeze’ state. … This freeze state is a trauma state” (pg.123). And it’s the unpredictability of a stressor, rather than the intensity, that does the most harm. When the stressor “is completely predictable, even if it is more traumatic — such as giving a [laboratory] rat a regularly scheduled foot shock accompanied by a sharp, loud sound — the stress does not create these exact same [negative] brain changes” (pg. 42).
The prolonged absorption of such traumatic experiences will cause the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point towards a childhood, adolescence and adulthood in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in non-stressful daily routines. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
Dear Frank,
My sincere apologies for the late reply. I am not sure how I missed this comment earlier.
Thank you for such a thorough and thoughtful comment.
That is an interesting point you make, that with a child growing up around, say, arguing parents, can develop harmful brain patterns (if I can phrase it this way). I think this is all the more reason for family courts to seriously and thoroughly evaluate claims of domestic abuse / coercive control.
Sure, I think this is a reasonable point you make-- if there were a basic curriculum about child development, society as a whole could be more aware of the delicacy of children, and how it is important to provide them the best possible environment for growth.
Right on, given the high stakes, we ought to provide more resources for parent training in particular.
Devil's advocate here: What about the idea that being exposed to some form of trauma is inevitable, even a part of the growing process?
Actually, in the book ('WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing') he co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Bruce D. Perry (M.D., Ph.D.) writes that healthy/proper cerebral development during early life, notably the brain's stressor response systems, requires a degree of essentially controlled stressors.
.
ALSO: “In today’s safety culture we seem to swing from strictly monitoring and guiding our children from infancy through high school, and then releasing them to the absolute freedom of college (though some parents are trying to encroach there as well). We have to remember that for most of human history adolescents took on adult roles earlier and rose admirably to the challenge. Many of the problems we have with teenagers result from failing to adequately challenge their growing brains. While we now know that the brain’s decision-making areas aren’t completely wired until at least their early twenties, it is experience-making decisions that wires them, and it can’t be done without taking some risks.
"We need to allow children to try and fail. And when they do make the stupid, shortsighted decisions that come from inexperience, we need to let them suffer the results. At the same time we also need to provide balance by not setting policies that will magnify one mistake, like drug use or fighting, into a life-derailing catastrophe. Unfortunately, this is exactly what our current “zero tolerance” policies—that expel children from school for just one rule violation—do.”
.
― Bruce D. Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook
Dear Frank,
Thank you so much for this supremely helpful post. And thank you for taking the time to share this knowledge. I've heard of the first book you mentioned, and I'll definitely have to check out "The Boy" title.
You're quite welcome, and thanx.
‘Child abuse in disguise’: The impact of parental alienation on children
Diagnosing parental alienation
Dr. William Bernet, a psychiatrist and professor emeritus at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, says that he and colleagues in the field have made dedicated efforts to have parental alienation included as a term in the DSM because properly identifying and defining alienation from the onset is the best way to combat counselor negligence.
“The problem with not naming parental alienation anywhere in the DSM is that courts can argue it isn’t real, and then, in turn, parents cannot defend themselves legally,” Bernet says. But “if it’s taught to clinicians of all types and accepted into curricula, then mental health practitioners can be held more accountable to identify these cases.”
Bernet, co-editor of Parental Alienation: The Handbook for Mental Health and Legal Professionals, sees therapists making two mistakes with parental alienation. First, they often fail to properly diagnose parental alienation early on in treatment. Second, they rely on traditional clinical approaches for far too long when treating this issue.
“Traditional family therapy approaches can be helpful in mild cases,” Bernet says. “But in more moderate or severe cases, alienation needs to be identified and both parents need to agree to be part of treatment.”
Bernet says that having only one parent attend sessions or offering traditional family therapy without identifying alienation has the potential to worsen the balance and allow an alienating parent and child to continue to target the other parent. If that happens, “therapists actually can make it worse,” he stresses, “because a child is going to be even more narcissistically powerful and won’t do what the therapist asks out of allegiance to the alienating parent.”
Bernet developed the five-factor model, which is an effective method to use when diagnosing parental alienation. This model includes five criteria for diagnosis:
Contact refusal: Is the child refusing contact with a parent?
Previous relationship: Did the child previously have a positive relationship with the rejected parent?
Lack of abuse: Does the rejected parent show signs of being abusive or neglectful
Alienating behaviors: Is the preferred parent engaging in alienating behaviors?
Child symptoms: Is the child manifesting symptoms of alienation?
Although it’s essential for counselors to properly diagnose for treatment, custody evaluators should be the ones making decisions related to parental alienation, Baker cautions. And she advises clinicians to call for a proper custody evaluation if they suspect parental alienation. avoiding counselor negligence.
Comprehensive Description of the Phenomenon
Parental Alienation (PA) is a term that primarily focuses on the alienation aspect, often perceived as the child's rejection of one parent, usually due to the influence of the other parent. While this highlights a significant issue, it may be too narrow to encompass the broader range of dynamics and experiences involved. The term Parent-Child Trauma Coerced Attachment and Alienation (PCTCAA) provides a more comprehensive description, acknowledging the traumatic and coercive elements that contribute to attachment issues and subsequent alienation.
Recognition of Trauma and Coercion
Using the term PCTCAA emphasises the traumatic experiences and coercive behaviours that underpin dysfunctional attachment and alienation. This acknowledges the psychological manipulation and emotional abuse that often occur in these situations, making it clear that the issue is not merely about a child's preference but involves significant psychological harm and coercion.
Holistic Understanding of Attachment Issues
PCTCAA highlights that the problem involves complex attachment issues, not just alienation. It draws attention to how coercive behaviours can distort a child’s attachment bonds with both parents, affecting their emotional and psychological well-being. This term better captures the multifaceted nature of the problem, where the child's attachment system is being manipulated, leading to trauma and alienation.
Alignment with Psychological and Clinical Frameworks
The term PCTCAA aligns more closely with contemporary psychological and clinical frameworks that understand family dynamics through the lenses of trauma and attachment theory. It facilitates a more nuanced approach to diagnosis and treatment, encouraging practitioners to consider the underlying trauma and attachment disruptions rather than focusing solely on surface-level alienation.
Reducing Stigma and Misunderstanding
The term Parental Alienation can sometimes carry a stigma, suggesting that the alienated parent is solely a victim and the alienating parent solely a perpetrator, potentially oversimplifying the situation. PCTCAA reduces this dichotomy by presenting the issue as a complex interplay of trauma and coercion affecting the entire family system. This can lead to a more empathetic and balanced understanding, reducing blame and fostering more effective therapeutic interventions.
Enhancing Legal and Policy Frameworks
Incorporating the concepts of trauma and coercion into the terminology can improve legal and policy frameworks by providing more precise language that captures the gravity of the issue. This can lead to better-informed decisions in family law and child custody cases, ensuring that interventions address the root causes rather than just the symptoms of the problem.
Conclusion
Changing the term from Parental Alienation to Parent-Child Trauma Coerced Attachment and Alienation broadens the understanding and discourse around the issue. It emphasises the traumatic and coercive aspects of the phenomenon, aligns with modern psychological theories, and promotes a holistic, empathetic approach to treatment and legal considerations. This shift in terminology can lead to more accurate diagnoses, effective interventions and supportive policies that address the complexities of parent-child dynamics in cases of coercive attachment and alienation.
Parental Alienation is Child Abuse
The researchers highlight aspects of parental alienation that correspond with definitions of child abuse.
Parental alienation as emotional/psychological aggression:
Creating fear in children that the target parent might be dangerous.
Making children feel guilty or ridiculing them for showing warmth or loyalty to the target parent and their extended family.
Withdrawing love and affection when children talk about the other parent.
Interrogating children after visits to the other parent and/or forcing them to throw away any clothing, gifts or reminders of the other parent.
Corrupting children’s identity by telling them the other parent is disappearing from their life – e.g., introducing a step-parent as a replacement, changing the children’s surname.
Presenting false information to children – e.g., distorting their memories of the parent with false and negative details, pretending that the other parent failed to turn up to see the children at a scheduled time.
Forcing children to make binary decisions – e.g., telling them they can see only one parent, not both.
Using children to spy in the home of the other parent.
Holding children responsible for violations of court orders.
Parental alienation as child neglect:
Placing the needs of the alienating parent before the children’s need to be loved and cared for by the other parent.
Being emotionally unavailable to children through parents’ own psychological pathologies.
Making false allegations of abuse and fabricating illness in an attempt to get custody of children and prevent contact with the other parent.
Giving false medication information to the other parent to justify sole care of children’s medical needs.
Using professionals to “help” children cope with the alleged behaviors of the other parent. Some alienating parents work through one professional after another as each starts to suspect what is really happening.
Isolating children from peers who may question their rejection of the other parent.
Parental alienation as local and administrative aggression:
Making false allegations of abuse against the other parent to authorities and services. Sometimes children are co-opted into this process.
Parental alienation as physical and sexual aggression:
Hitting children when they express a desire to be connected with the other parent.
Preventing the other parent from protecting the children against a new partner with a history of sexual or violent offences.
Parental Alienation: The Psychology of Fractured Parent–Child Relationships
Parental Alienation as Intimate Partner Violence
The researchers also map common behaviours in parental alienation to behaviours common in intimate partner violence: aggression, coercive control, physical threats, exploitation of the victim’s secrets, lying about past events to modify parenting plans, stalking, and legal/administrative aggression. As most alienating parents are the custodial parents, they can use the power of their situation to keep the victim living in fear of total cessation of contact with the child.
In all cases, children are victims when they witness the abuse or are affected by it.
Impact of Parental Alienation on the Child
Practitioners will intervene only when the severity of abuse reaches a certain threshold. This requires accurate and skilled diagnosis, which is made more difficult by the lack of systematic and empirical research on the causes of parental alienation.
Severe parental alienation has obvious and immediate impacts on the child, but mild and moderate forms can also cause significant harm which can go on for many years. This harm goes beyond just the impacts of being exposed to conflict and parental pathology.
Examples of negative impacts of parental alienation found in research include:
Low self-esteem.
Feeling abandoned and unloved.
Inability to express grief.
Self-hatred through internalising the hate targeted at one parent.
Disturbed attachment to both parents.
Substance abuse disorders.
Guilt.
Anxiety.
Mental illness
Disturbed psychosocial development, for example, in handling interpersonal conflict and developing empathy.
Poor academic performance.
Poor physical health.
8 Symptoms of Parental Alienation in Children
Campaign of Denigration – In the campaign of denigration, the child is typically obsessed with the hated or rejected parent. The campaign of denigration is an expression of hate, dislike, not wanting to be near the target parent, describing them as never being a caring, loving parent and who never did anything with them as in a normal parent-child relationship, and never recalling any positive times together.
The campaign of denigration is like a public relations campaign to convince the audience, in this case an evaluator or therapist, about the abusiveness, neglectfulness and unloving behavior of the rejected parent. Frequently, the parent who brings the child will just sit back and shrug and go, “I wish they felt differently but that’s just the way that they are.” So, the presentation carries the appearance that this is coming solely from the child.
The significant component is that the children are obsessed with their rejection of the parent. For example, they cannot remember anything positive about that parent or recall good times with the other parent.
Weak, Frivolous, and Absurd Rationalizations – Typically, alienated children give irrational and often ludicrous justification for their rejection of a parent. These children may also justify their alienation with memories of minor incidents that may have happened years earlier and, in some cases, they may report events that never have occurred. Frequently, past events are exaggerated in terms of the frequency and intensity.
Lack of Ambivalence – The symptom of a lack of ambivalence is where there is absolutely no wavering. That is, a child is consistent in terms of having a commitment to their position or opinion about the targeted parent. That parent is an evil person and there is nothing good about that parent whatsoever and never was. When asked, “Did you ever have a good time?” Answer: “Never.” With this symptom, however, being one of the more significant or severe ones, when you see a child who presents with a lack of ambivalence that is an indication you might be dealing with a more severe degree of the disorder.
Independent Thinker phenomenon – Alienated children frequently, and proudly announce that the things that they are relating about the rejected parent are their own thoughts and feelings, and that no one has told them or influenced them to say these things.
Reflexive Support of the Alienating Parent – As the reader reviews the symptoms, one will see how they start to link up especially as they increase in frequency and duration. The alienated child demonstrates an unbridled support for the favored or alienating parent. An alienating parent would be very encouraging of the things that we are talking about. If the process is going on at an unconscious level, then they will reinforce the occurrence unwittingly. They may not even be aware of it. But in the reflective support symptom, the child is suggesting, “as much as I hate the targeted parent, I am that much more positive and committed toward the favored/alienating parent.”
This symptom is elicited by questioning if there is anything that they agree with or like about the targeted parent. Even in high-conflict divorces where parental alienation is not present, children will in some ways endorse both parents’ positions about different issues and, if anything, there is an urgency to not take sides. Typically, in the case of divorce, the children do not want to take sides and they do not like being put in that position. In parental alienation cases, however, one sees children clearly taking a side and never taking a supportive position of the targeted parent. As with the other symptoms, this is fundamentally unnatural. These are things that just do not happen normally when people go through a divorce. The child must be nudged significantly by one parent through some kind of indoctrination process.
Absence of Guilt – In severe cases there will be an absence of guilt frequently observed in the child. The absence of guilt has to do with the lack of caring or affection toward the target parent. There is an absence of any conscience about what is happening to their parent or their role in it. When children have this degree of symptomatology, they will say such things as, “I want them out of my life; I want nothing to do with them,” etc. In short, they express that they never want to see that person ever again. They have no use for them, they have never been in their life up to this point, there is no point in their being in there now, etc.
This is one of the more severe symptoms and typically not seen until parental alienation has been in the process for a while. This is a very chilling symptom because if one considers attachment theory, a child’s sense of self and relationship emanates from their relationships with their parents. When you have a child who is this disconnected from one of their parents, they are likely going to have among other things serious medical, psychological and relationship problems in their life. With the absence of guilt, it says a lot about their ability to empathize and function normally and truthfully in relationships. One conclusion that can be made is that when children do go through this process, at this level of dysfunction, it is tantamount to a crash course in how to develop a personality disorder. It creates an individual who will be manipulative as an adult, who will have difficulty empathizing, who will tend to not be able to see other people’s perspectives or be honest in their communication. While the research is building and on-going in this area, the dysfunctional dynamics being taught to children strongly suggest that this may be a reasonable hypothesis.
Borrowed Scenarios – An evaluator will hear words or phrases that are common to both a parent and a child. The terminology will be repeated with the alienating parent coming in during their interview. They will use some of the same vocabulary and the child will come in and the evaluator will get very similar phraseology, if not exact vocabulary.
Spread of Animosity to the Extended Family of the Alienated Parent – There is a spread of animosity to the extended family of the targeted parent and especially significant others that enter the relationship.
Unfortunately, it is not just new male or female friends, quite often it is grandparents. These are people who have had a positive, loving relationship with the child their entire life but now they become objects of hate. An evaluator will see evidence, such as photographs and through interviews with parents and grandparents, of the children having a good relationship with them and being very involved. The separation/divorce will occur at some point and, if parental alienation is present, suddenly that child will begin to express a real dislike and even hatred of those grandparents because they are the father and the mother of the targeted parent.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation of children is a form of child abuse, and it is recognized as such by psychologists who have experience and expertise with parental alienation. The phenomenon of parental alienation conforms to the definition of Child Abuse as proffered by 2017 Practice Guidelines of The American Professional Society on Abuse of Children (APSAC).
Parental alienation is a mental condition in which a child, usually one whose parents are engaged in a high-conflict separation or divorce, allies strongly with one parent (the preferred or favored parent) and rejects a relationship with the other parent (the targeted or alienated parent) without legitimate justification (Lorandos & Bernet, 2020).
Senior officials at the American Psychiatric Association (APA) have unequivocally confirmed that parental alienation is included in parent-child relational problem (PCRP), one of the mental conditions in the DSM-5-TR (Bernet & Baker, 2023).
The Baker Model for Identifying Parental Alienation (formerly known as the Five Factor Model) is a method for the systematic identification of parental alienation (Lorandos & Bernet, 2020) and is discussed below. There is nothing new about the components of the Baker Model for Identifying Parental Alienation, since they have all been discussed in peer-reviewed articles, books, and presentations for many years.
The psychological process of parental alienation, as an adverse childhood experience (ACE) (Felitti, et al, 1998), has immediate and long-term negative and potentially catastrophic consequences for children. Parental alienation has been the subject of many studies and tests, which have been the object of peer review, and is a mental condition broadly recognized by the psychological community in the United States and over 60 countries around the world. A common example of misinformation is that parental alienation has not been recognized by any professional organization and, therefore, is not recognized by the scientific community, a necessary factor in admissibility in court proceedings. The phenomenon of parental alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), that is children rejecting a parent without justification, has been recognized by the following organizations:
• American Bar Association
• American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
• Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
• American Psychological Association
• American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
• American Academy of Pediatrics
• American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children
Early-life abuse or chronic neglect left unhindered typically causes the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point of a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in otherwise non-stressful daily routines.
It amounts to non-physical-impact brain damage in the form of PTSD. Among other dysfunctions, it has been described as an emotionally tumultuous daily existence, indeed a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’. For some of us it includes being simultaneously scared of how badly they will deal with the upsetting event, which usually never transpires. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
As a moral rule, a mentally as well as a physically sound future should be every child’s foremost fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter. Yet, some people still hold a misplaced yet strong sense of entitlement when it comes to misperceiving children largely as obedient property to abuse.
The wellbeing of all children needs to be of importance to us all. Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, however, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
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“It’s only after children have been discovered to be severely battered that their parents are forced to take a childrearing course as a condition of regaining custody. That’s much like requiring no license or driver’s ed[ucation] to drive a car, then waiting until drivers injure or kill someone before demanding that they learn how to drive.”
—Myriam Miedzian, Ph.D.
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“The way a society functions is a reflection of the childrearing practices of that society. Today we reap what we have sown. Despite the well-documented critical nature of early life experiences, we dedicate few resources to this time of life. We do not educate our children about child development, parenting, or the impact of neglect and trauma on children.”
—Dr. Bruce D. Perry, Ph.D. & Dr. John Marcellus