Grooming Guides
How pedophiles normalize their predilection and share strategies to sexually abuse kids
Grooming guides are instructional manuals circulating online that encourage, normalize and justify pedophilia. They provide users with guidance and strategies on how to sexually abuse children.
Such manuals are technically legal. Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) is illegal— but the law’s definition confines it to the “visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct” with someone underage. As the manuals generally do not contain sexually explicit images (a strategic decision to evade retribution), they are not illegal.
A note on terminology — “child pornography” is still used in federal statutes and is defined as "any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a person less than 18 years old.” However, “child sexual abuse material” (CSAM) is the preferred term. Referring to such content as “porn” puts the focus on how the material is used (centering the viewer/ user), rather than the impact that they have on the subject (centering the child).
The manuals serve multiple functions. They validate/ reinforce paraphilic desires, reduce feelings of guilt and trepidation, and encourage the thinking that sexual contact with children is acceptable— even noble or necessary.
The guides convince readers that it is society who is wrong and backwards, not the individual. On a Quora discussion board, seeded with the question “Is child pornography over-rated as a crime?” one user commented, “I find that it is terribly overrated because of liberal ideology that wishes to micromanage and regulate one’s sexual thoughts.” While this user is not defending pedophilia we might expect similar trains of thought passing through grooming guides— a suggestion that the manuals promote freedom of sexual expression.
One grooming guide claims that it offers a path to “the ultimate expression of how to love a child.” And don’t children deserved to be loved? And isn’t love the greatest gift we can give another?
Grooming guides offer specific how-to instructions on the process of preparing a target. From how to establish trust with parents, to word-for-word dialogues that can be used to convince children the experiences are acceptable; guides distill the trial-and-error efforts of pedophiles. In outlining ways to gain contact with children, manuals suggest establishing a play group, running a summer camp and setting up an orphan home, amongst other options.
From this sample shared by Child Rescue Coalition, the table of contents has a section entitled “where do I find a child?” with several options— including having ones own children, which they also call “family equal access.” The next option is “single parents and moms with kids.” That section is closed with comments on how to “survey, approach and create a relationship.” The Coalition claims to have seen dozens of grooming guides shared over 100,000 times online.
The second section covers “the practical steps” including the first and second instance of physical contact (25 pages), exploration of the child and adult’s genitals (41 pages) and “making love for the first time.” Note that the author frames the act as “love making” and not rape, assault or molestation.
In 2022, the United States Marshals Services Behavioral Analysis Unit conducted a review of grooming guides, based on over 700 pages compiled from manuals in the form of sharable documents or interactive websites. The results of which were published in the journal of “Aggression and Violent Behavior.”
Seara Adair, who has a widely-viewed TikTok stream where she posts about child sexual abuse, commented on the study. She shared details of what the manuals include, such as: how to identify a vulnerable child, how to groom them, how to perform the abuse and how to clean up after.
Environmental factors— such as where the child is living and with whom, or where the child goes to school— are also evaluated by the offender when selecting a child target. More significant though, per grooming guides, are the internal state of the child. As the U.S. Marshals study abstract notes: “the internal vulnerabilities of the victim are emphasized for active exploitation.”
Manual users could utilize a checklist in honing in on a victim, asking questions such as:
— does the child feel unloved?
— is the child quiet and withdrawn?
— does the child feel alone in their home?
Do you know a child who has seemed sad lately? If you perceive this, so does the predator. Please take a moment to check in with the kid.
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